Pretty wheelchair girl

I talk with my girlfriends about dudes… A lot. I feel pretty lucky to have a solid group of women around me with a lot of different perspectives. However, it really seems like at this point in my life, it’s only women that are being choosy regarding sex. Will most guys literally fuck anyone they think is attractive? Or have an opportunity with? I have some girlfriends that are absolutely gorgeous. Gorgeous and charismatic and really good moms… but also deeply flawed and CRAZY and in serious need of healing self work before they’re ready for a relationship… yet the guys keep on coming, literally. Am I the only one that can see a dumpster fire from a mile away and NOT want to fuck it, no matter how bright and shiny it is? Why is everyone that claims they want a relationship so fixated on sex?

I’m so fucking sick of thinking about it. I mean, I like sex A LOT when it’s good. But I’m starting to feel like I’m a very small majority with notions about what good sex is. And really, there seems to be more examples of what good sex isn’t, then what good sex actually is. And I’m very curious about the male perspective on this topic… since I’m trying to heal my relationship with men.

There have to be men that think the way that I do, right? Are there men out there that are principled, and won’t sleep with a gorgeous girl until he knows she’s a good person? One that will look a dumpster fire right in the eyes and be like… NAH. Do unicorns exist?

Maybe I’ll start by describing the sexiest man, the Unicorn:

First and foremost, he is principled as fuck. Like, Marcus Aurelius principled. He says no to what is bad for him, and has a razor sharp understanding of what that is, and what that means to him. He’s been through some shit, and he’s fucking learned from that shit. He appreciates it, and he’s a better man because of it. “Amor Fati.” He also has an understanding of greater purpose and meaning. He understands his place in his family and in his community, and he tries to make that shit better. Even better, that fills his cup.

He also says a lot of yes to what is good for him, and has a razor sharp understanding of what the fuck that is. He knows what he likes, and he knows what he wants. He sets goals, short term ones and long-term ones… and he fucking works on those every day. He understands that he is flawed, like everyone, but strives to be a better person every day.

He sticks up for himself. And he sticks up for other people. He knows who he is as a person with intimate detail and is able to defend that logically and rationally; if need be, not defensively. Because he doesn’t give a fuck about who thinks what unless they matter. And those that matter, have fucking earned that place.

If he has kids, he adores them and spends a lot of time with them. He redirect them, he guides them and disciplines them. He loves them for the individuals they are and sees himself through them every day. He empowers them and mentors them to be the best most independent people possible, capable and responsible to their own place in their community.

He has responsibilities, big ones. Not just your basic job, car, house, which are the baseline, or “The Three” that I always talk to my girlfriends about… that is just not enough anymore. So, what is enough? What are big responsibilities? Definitely family. Maybe something like a mentor role? Maybe something like volunteerism, or an occupation with a bigger purpose… like a teacher or a legislator… or maybe something in the medical field, or a fire fighter… something that helps humans.

And when I think about him, the song lyrics come to mind:
“I wish you were here” Incubus
“retreat to safer waters” Chevelle

I’m not sure if I have ever felt truly safe with a man. But I would like to… and I imagine he’s out there…