Pretty wheelchair girl

I just finished reading every bit if poetry, every journal entry, and looked at every little doodle from about 1997 through 2002. I was a sad, broken, fucked up little girl. I hated everyone and I felt so lonely. I’m so exhausted from going through her pain again… but it needs to be honored. She finally needs to be heard. Maybe that’s why I did it… so a stronger version of me could take the pain? Part of me still want to blame her… why didn’t you tell more people? Why didn’t you try harder? What happened to you? Was it really so bad? I honestly don’t fucking know… I was just so sad and so lonely.

We are going through this together right now for a reason. And I don’t even fucking believe that everything happens for a reason… but this is some cosmic shit right now. You were so deep even then… and what a beautiful gift to be able to revisit that depth.

I wish I could hold you and tell you how beautiful you are. I will hold your heart forever. I will never forget again what you went through to get us here.

I’m so sorry you suffered.

(my message to me on November 3, 2021)