Pretty wheelchair girl

I discovered these two Journal entries when going through my old shit:

It’s amazing to me that I wrote this on Halloween, and I just spent Halloween weekend with my mom… as my caregiver. I was really nervous about going for a whole weekend without a dedicated staff person. My family filled me with so much confidence and love… They really made me believe that everything would be fine… And it fucking was. I don’t EVER travel without a paid staff person. This was big for us.

In the car, on the way up, me and mom and Holly were all opening up to each other like crazy. Mom acknowledged her hurtful words to me from the past and APOLOGIZED. This has never happened before. She openly admitted in front of someone else that she said horrible things to me, and told me that she felt really bad. That was HUGE.

It made me feel like I could open up some more… so I text her these two journal entries tonight and then we talked on the phone. I told her that I was a really sad and fucked up little girl, and that I tried to tell her about it, and she wouldn’t hear me at that time. She apologized. I explained that I knew she was going through shit too, and that she didn’t have the capacity to help me… and I really didn’t need her to apologize, and I don’t I think she really meant it, or it wasn’t very sincere at least… but I did feel heard. That’s what I fucking needed. All in all, I got what I needed from her. Wow. How fucking cathartic.

(entry from November 4, 2021)